Perfect

I've been doing a lot of backward thinking lately. Before I started working for the Providence Fire Department life was good. The bills were paid, I owned a successful business, my wife and kids were happy and so was I.

I'm still happy, and so is my wife, and so are the kids. Only there is a difference-a big difference. Over the last twenty-two years I have been fortunate enough to experience more perfect moments than any person deserves. Prior to my fire department career the only times in my life that I can remember being perfectly in synch with my mind and body, where a nuclear bomb could go off and I wouldn't notice, when I felt truly alive, and powerful, and nearly invincible was while doing the very thing that makes us immortal; the act of procreation.

Being inside a burning building, heat nearly unbearable, Scott running low, deep, nothing but blackness outside my mask, nothing but a hundred feet of tangled, charged line behind me and nothing on my mind but the battle is the closest I've come to that. Or nearly every time I ran a code, whether the patient was a ninety year old lady from the nursing home, a kid shot a dozen times or some middle aged guy who totaled his car and blew out his aorta.

Those precious moments when time stands still, and nothing matters but the job at hand now mean much more to me than I ever realized. When I thought I would live forever, and fight a thousand fires, and save a thousand lives-or not, they were just part of my shift, and I took them for granted, never imagining that it might all end.

Well, the end is near. I've had more perfect moments than most people dare dream, and I've loved every second. I just wish it could go on forever.

1 Comment

  • It can't. Go on forever that is. There comes a time when you have to step away and let the next generation take over. When that day comes, you'll wonder where all the time went and worry about all that still has to be done. Then you realize that it's no longer your job to do it and walk away happy knowing that the people who came before you did your part, you did your part,  and the people there now and the people who will come along in the future will do their part.
    That is the mark of a successful career.

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Michael Morse

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Comments
Unlimited-Unscheduled Hours
Twenty, again…and again!
Michael, Congratulations again on that fine piece, your retirement, and the better place you are in now. I read that piece when you first put it on the blog and it stuck in my head. I didn't realize it myself, but I was entering a dark place too that went on for a few more…
2015-04-27 23:54:12
Michael Morse
Twenty, again…and again!
Thanks Dwaine, great comment brought back the good memories!
2015-04-26 17:13:06
Michael Morse
Twenty, again…and again!
Thank you Vince, thankfully it all ends well for the most part, I wrote that during a particularly dark time.
2015-04-26 17:11:44
Vince Nixon
Twenty, again…and again!
Thanks for the transparency brother. I couldn't read all of your experiences that form the fodder for your nightmares; after 25 years with the LAFD I have plenty of my own to forget. But talking about them, and hearing or reading others talk about them, can bring healing at some level. Maybe it's not all…
2015-04-26 15:32:33
Dwaine McIntosh
Twenty, again…and again!
Did 27 in Kingman Az. read ur deal on Facebook and yes a day comes when u pull the pin. Funny all the things that bring u to that point are in some respects why u stay. Other things like command and control locking the seat belt hanging the David Clarks /lighting it up the…
2015-04-24 21:45:28

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