Idle Firefighters to Search Neighborhoods for EMS Patients

Providence, RI – The city of Providence has instituted a groundbreaking community medic program, and expects revenues to soar as a result. It’s called proactive paramedicine, and it aims to generate EMS demand rather than just waiting for it.

Beginning Saturday, August 23, and continuing indefinitely, the Providence Firefighters will canvass the city’s streets on foot looking for persons in need of assistance.

“There’s a lot of people who need help out there, and don’t even know it,” said city spokesperson Nina Lleno d’ella from her office at city hall. “What if McDonald’s waited till someone ‘needed’ a hamburger to try to sell them one? They’d never move a Big Mac! We can bring the resources right to the person’s doorstep, whether or not they asked.”

Providence officials expect calls to 911 to remain steady, but much needed revenue should increase by 212% as a result of the new program.

“It makes no sense to have these EMTs hanging around, waiting for somebody to get hurt or have a heart attack, when there’s plenty of revenue producers on every street in the city,” said the city’s financial analyst Ester Bromeando. “Also, by taking the expense of running and maintaining vehicles out of the picture, it’s a win-win for the city.”

“Many of our medics are out of shape, and the walking will do them good,” says Providence EMS Chief Zack Bananas. “We’ll be saving lives on both sides of the fence.”

When asked how the city will transport patients, Bananas replied, “That’s why we have busses and taxis.”

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