A Calendar for every body

 

Firefighter Calendars are as plentiful as fruit cake this time of year, and everybody loves a firefighter, especially a scantily clad one.

When I was young and pretty somebody asked me to be part of the Providence Firefighters Calendar. I refused, not because I didn’t think I would be a swell Mr. October, rather because my gay friends told me how much they loved the firefighter calendars that they have adorning their locker doors. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just didn’t feel comfortable being the apple in the eye of other men.

Now that I’ve reached the age of maturity, with my grandfather’s body to boot, I might re-consider that logic if anybody were to make a “formerly fit but still remarkably handsome considering his body, while still skinny in clothes is actually quite soft and fat” calendar. ANY attention is good attention when you realize that people have stopped looking at you!

But don’t cry for me Argentina, not long ago the most recent batch of Firefighter Calendar Boys were participating in an event for charity. A portion of the profit from each calendar sold helped support some cause or another. To help sell calendars, the event organizers; it was a car wash, had the fellas dress in their bunker pants and boots, no shirts allowed and play with each other’s hoses while being covered with sudsy bubbles.

They sold a lot of calendars.

The rest of us have a lot of pictures.

There are not enough calendars or charitable causes on earth to make up for the torture that the Calendar Boys will endure for the rest of their natural lives, and quite possibly the afterlife because of that event.

So, how did our heroes transform from manly hunks of men with pictures of their chiseled frames gracing the walls of college aged girls dorm rooms everywhere, to broken shells of former men covered in sudsy bubbles whose images are the fascination of gay men everywhere?

They gave in to temptation, thought they would meet chicks and became Calendar Boys, that’s how!

So, why are there no Police Calendars, you ask?

If ever there was a sub-species of mankind other than male police officers who wanted little else from this earthly existence than meeting chicks, I’ve yet to make their acquaintance.

If the above true story does not answer that question to your satisfaction, consider this:

– Have you ever seen a police officer wearing only half his uniform?
– Ballistic vests cover the pecs and nipples
– Nipples sell!
– Do you even want to see a shirtless police officer?
– Police officers covered in sudsy bubbles are not sexy – to anybody!

And how about an EMS Calendar?

I’ve often wondered why there is nobody willing to do an EMS themed calendar with pictures of fabulous looking EMT’s and Paramedics as the focus. I’ve seen calendars using different style vehicles as the models, but never different style medics. The way I see it, there are plenty of different body types to choose from, male and female. Not all medics are perfectly sculpted model material. It is the variation of body styles that would make the calendar fascinating. Sure, EMS has its share of buff people, every occupation has them, EMS is no exception, but it is the variety of body types that would make an EMS Calendar stand out.

I think I would make a fabulous Mr. November, all withered and wrinkled, grey skin to match the grey sky – very sexy!

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