No place to go

Top 5 Worst Places for Emergency Operations

1) The ER Restroom

“Well, it is an emergency.”

 

Two choices, Bleach covered buns after the janitor makes his hourly rounds or piss ass prior to. The advantage is that the stench created is barely noticed due to the fetid aroma emanating from the patient area.

2) Any Other Hospital Bathroom

“Hi, I noticed you were in there for a very long time. Do you need a doctor?”

 

How do the hottest nurses instinctively know exactly when to walk past the scene of the crime at exactly the wrong time?

3) The Gas Station

“It’s no-man’s land in there.”

 

It’s no-man’s land in there. Toilet seat touchdown is forbidden, a suspended squat the only alternative. Breaking out the Haz-Mat suit is recommended, and if time permits consider donning the SCBA.

4) The Local Coffee Shop

“He was really moving fast. Must be serious.”

Dear god, why does a coffee shop lock the damned doors and make us beg for the key!

5) The Fast Food Rest Room

“God, I hope no one is in there.”

What is worse than having “to go” and stumbling onto an overdose victim? “Sorry sir, I'”ll start CPR as soon as I lose the load in my britches.” They really should have “Rest Rooms” and “Shooting Up Rooms” in those places.

Life on the road is tough. There’s noplace to go like home.

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